Sunday, March 29, 2015

Out of Darkness Comes the Brightest Light

I was a single mom when I had my oldest son. Not a lot of people know the details but I was raped and wound up pregnant.I don't tell you the circumstances because I'm looking for sympathy but because it helps to show that even out of a horrible situation, you can find amazing strength and joy!
He is now 31 years old. At his wedding dinner, just on the fly, I got up and spoke. Made a little toast to the bride and groom. I had no plans to say anything but my heart was so full of joy that night that I had to speak. 
I simply told my new daughter in law that without a doubt, Nathan was the best decision I ever made in my life and I hoped that she would always feel that way too.
The way I saw it 31 years ago, I could have made three decisions. 
1.Terminate the pregnancy-this wasn't really an option for me. I simply couldn't do it.
2. Give the baby up for adoption-I seriously consider this one for many months.
3. Keep the baby and likely struggle to make ends meet while raising him.
I had the support of my family and really couldn't have done it with out their help. To this day, I've never regretted my decision.
I'm not just painting a pretty picture. My oldest was a wonderful baby and has always had a great personality. He was the joy of my life and even as a young (21 yrs old) mom, I found such joy in being with my little boy. I was scared to death to be a mom but I am so glad I chose to be his mom. It wasn't always easy. He certainly had his moments as a teenager. He went through 6 cars in 5 years! We struggled with a lot of ear problems as a child and had to have tubes put in twice and he still blew out his eardrum three other times. We thought he would have permanent hearing damage but he doesn't. He was very smart and sometimes that's really hard! You can't pass anything by them when they are smart like that!

I'm sure I didn't do everything right. I'm sure I made lots of mistakes. I'm also sure I did the best I could with what I had. My oldest was like some kind of God in our family...everybody absolutely loved him. All of his cousins think he is just the best and look up to him and consult him on lots of life's issues. It's hard to raise a child that everybody else thinks is perfect. I've said many times that he could kill somebody and my entire family would figure out a way to justify it because it was him! HA!.
Out of all of that came a wonderful husband and awesome daddy. He now has two of his own and I can't even explain how awesome it is to be a grandma!
There were many times I thought what the hell was I thinking....this is really hard! But the love that you see in that child's eyes, the hugs and kisses that you get from them, the talks that you get to have as they grow and learn, and the fact that you can walk every step of their life with them is just simply amazing. I look at Nathan now and think "Wow. I did that." The love is just amazing!

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