|I went to the bathroom for 1.5 minutes...|
I have no idea where to start. Been running the story over in my head for two days. First...I have wanted children all my life. I mean really, really wanted kids. When I was about 12 my grandma made a comment that always stuck with me. "You are so great with kids I can see you having six of them." To which I replied only if I could afford it. I now have seven. They range from 21 to 8 months old. Some I birthed, some I didn't. Included in this bunch is a little two year old girl who came to me as a foster child and we are currently finishing our adoption process.
My first son is 14. My ex-husband never wanted kids. Loved the bachelor type of life. We had been together for 6 years married for 1 when I became pregnant. My son was planned and we had tried for a while. My husband the whole time not really wanting kids was just trying to appease me. My husband was not shy about his not helping with the duties. I took it in stride. I wanted to be a mom and I embraced caring for my son as if I were a single mom.
My marriage started to fall apart when my son was four. We ended up moving two hours away to a new area and attempted to work through things. With that came a surprise. I was pregnant again. This time around my marriage being strained, away from friends and family and my job becoming very demanding, I crumbled. I ran into an ex and that just made matters worse.
My whole pregnancy my husband accused me of having an affair and insisted the child I was carrying was not his but my ex's. To make matters worse my husband told his friends and they would make remarks. I am never shy nor do I ever back down but I felt defeated. I was so depressed. Everyday I had a man whom I was sharing life with and creating another life with degrade me! I won't even write the things he said to me daily. My husband is white, my ex is not. I'll leave it at that.
Fast forward...My son is now nine. I am happily divorced. My ex to this day has not fully accepted our son as his. For the record there was never a doubt in my mind, I could not have possibly been pregnant by anyone else besides my husband. I've begged him to do a paternity test for his own peace of mind.
I'm now with a wonderful man. Insert 3 extra kids here. With him he brought along his Son and two daughters. We've been together for 8 years and now have an 8 month old girl together.
I have more stories than anyone about the good, bad and ugly of this parenthood thing. It is not all unicorns and rainbows! There are days when you ask yourself "did I really sign up for this? But, but...there are more times you sit back and applaud yourself. You created this human. I assure you motherhood has many trial and errors.
There is a lot you will get right along the way. Then there is the time you'll accidentally hit your kid in the head with the car door. He will roll off the bed and it will happen more than once. He will sneak something unspeakable into his mouth and you will freak out. He will also smile at you for the first time and you'll get this warm feeling inside. He will roll for the first time and you will smile. He'll begin to sit up on his own and you will engage in patty cake. You will get down on the floor and cheer on as he tries to crawl.
All these things will happen just in the first 6-8 months of life. Think of the great memories you will build for the many years ahead. There is nothing like a mom and son bond. It will be there forever. A boy loves his mom in a different way. You will soon see for yourself. People who tell you parenthood is awesome or easy are lying or they're high. ha ha. However what parenthood is, it is the most rewarding thing you will do. To stand back at each big stage in his life and say I did that. I created that. Honestly nothing is better than THAT!