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| I went to the bathroom for 1.5 minutes... |
I have no idea where to start.
Been running the story over in my head for two days. First...I have wanted
children all my life. I mean really, really wanted kids. When I was about 12 my
grandma made a comment that always stuck with me. "You are so great with
kids I can see you having six of them." To which I replied only if I could
afford it. I now have seven. They range from 21 to 8 months old. Some I
birthed, some I didn't. Included in this bunch is a little two year old girl who
came to me as a foster child and we are currently finishing our adoption
process.
My first son is 14. My
ex-husband never wanted kids. Loved the bachelor type of life. We had been
together for 6 years married for 1 when I became pregnant. My son was planned
and we had tried for a while. My husband the whole time not really wanting kids
was just trying to appease me. My husband was not shy about his not helping
with the duties. I took it in stride. I wanted to be a mom and I embraced
caring for my son as if I were a single mom.
My marriage started to
fall apart when my son was four. We ended up moving two hours away to a new area
and attempted to work through things. With that came a surprise. I was pregnant
again. This time around my marriage being strained, away from friends and
family and my job becoming very demanding, I crumbled. I ran into an ex and
that just made matters worse.
My whole pregnancy my
husband accused me of having an affair and insisted the child I was carrying
was not his but my ex's. To make matters worse my husband told his friends and
they would make remarks. I am never shy nor do I ever back down but I felt
defeated. I was so depressed. Everyday I had a man whom I was sharing life with
and creating another life with degrade me! I won't even write the things he
said to me daily. My husband is white, my ex is not. I'll leave it at that.
Fast forward...My son is
now nine. I am happily divorced. My ex to this day has not fully accepted our son
as his. For the record there was never a doubt in my mind, I could not have
possibly been pregnant by anyone else besides my husband. I've begged him to do
a paternity test for his own peace of mind.
I'm now with a wonderful
man. Insert 3 extra kids here. With him he brought along his Son and two daughters.
We've been together for 8 years and now have an 8 month old girl together.
I have more stories than
anyone about the good, bad and ugly of this parenthood thing. It is not all
unicorns and rainbows! There are days when you ask yourself "did I really sign
up for this? But, but...there are more times you sit back and applaud yourself.
You created this human. I assure you motherhood has many trial and errors.
There is a lot you will
get right along the way. Then there is the time you'll accidentally hit your
kid in the head with the car door. He will roll off the bed and it will happen
more than once. He will sneak something unspeakable into his mouth and you will
freak out. He will also smile at you for the first time and you'll get this
warm feeling inside. He will roll for the first time and you will smile. He'll
begin to sit up on his own and you will engage in patty cake. You will get down
on the floor and cheer on as he tries to crawl.
All these things will
happen just in the first 6-8 months of life. Think of the great memories you
will build for the many years ahead. There is nothing like a mom and son bond.
It will be there forever. A boy loves his mom in a different way. You will soon
see for yourself. People who tell you parenthood is awesome or easy are lying
or they're high. ha ha. However what parenthood is, it is the most rewarding
thing you will do. To stand back at each big stage in his life and say I did
that. I created that. Honestly nothing is better than THAT!
Heather Haynes
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